omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This house was built for laser tag.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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