Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
