Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
