If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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