I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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