she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She's the barista slut.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
