I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
