I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
