quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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