or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
