is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
