The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
