I have demons in me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I fill condoms, not promises.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
