So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
