ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
