I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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