TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
