I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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