When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
