Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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