Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize