i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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