Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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