You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
