im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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