giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
