3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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