party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
