So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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