JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
