and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
