another moral hangover. fuck.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
