Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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