dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
