take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize