I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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