i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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