you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
