the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
