In America we eat man semen.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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