The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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