her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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