You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
