I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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