All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
