You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize