just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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