Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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