just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
