but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
