I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
