Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
