She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize