It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
