I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
