Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
bring money and cleavage
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
