she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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