my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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