the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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