If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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