Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
