Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
