If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
