I wish I only lived at night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
