I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize